Finding a night that would accommodate both our schedules for that first date turned in to quite the task. We were stuck in this state of limbo. We got our moments together after my practices or games, but we were keeping whatever was happening between us under wraps. My team mates still hated him and as far as the football team was concerned, I was one of those field fairies. That was their less offensive, more acceptable- in the cowardice administration’s eyes- way of calling us gay. Our school was the school you always see on TV. You know- the one that bows down to the football team as if they are all gods.
Our first date had to wait a good month. Between games and practices and his work schedule, we never had a chance. That all changed during our spring break. The time finally came. It was the most anticipated night of the year for me. We had everything all planned out. We planned on dinner, then either a movie or a stroll downtown. It promised to be a great night. And it would have been. If it wouldn’t have been for that same football player that caused Sean all those troubles. For as good as that guy was on the field, he was as stupid off. That night we were finishing up with dinner when Sean got an “emergency” text. Ordinarily that would sound like a major problem, and at the time, it was treated like one. But all it really meant was that Mr. Senior Football Captain was wasted at a party and needed his little sophomore to bail him out of trouble. I didn’t understand at the time why Sean put up with it at all, but that would come to pass much sooner than anyone could have anticipated.
When we arrived at the party that night, acting as chauffeurs, Kevin said the wrong thing. Between the time Sean got his text and the time we showed up Kevin had consumed even more alcohol and had become belligerent. Upon setting his heavily dazed eyes on me, he slurred a bunch of comprehensible and incomprehensible insults at me. I don’t recall everything that he said that night, but I do remember what he said that made Sean fly off the handle. “Oh good, you brought us a little bitch to play with. I know that she doesn’t really swing my way, but I’ll make do, I’m a big boy and can control a small slut like her. Being the dyke she is, I’m sure this will be a great time. I’m proud of you Seany Boy. You’re finally making shit up to me.” To this day, I’ve never seen him madder. The way he felt for me came blaring out that night in a matter of seconds.
Not more than a millisecond after Kevin shut his mouth; Sean was tearing across the room at him. Sean is no small guy, but to go up against his senior team captain, one of the best linebackers in the state, most thought he had a death wish. I’m still not sure whether the alcohol gave Sean the advantage or the anger did, but he made contact and knocked Kevin flat on his back. He started pounding on him. Shocked, no one stepped in to stop him. Between punches, Sean started shouting things at him. “I shouldn’t have let you take the fall that night. I was the one that got drunk. I was the one that hit her. I never should have let you take the blame to save me. It was an accident. I would have taken the punishment. I deserved it. Instead I got this. I got you walking over me for something I didn’t want you to do in the first place. And that poor girl, all she got was shit from everyone. She went from being a respectable girl to school slut in minutes.” Sean was making no sense to anyone. Kevin was unconscious. Sean just kept going. “I never should have given you that power. But it’s over now. You stepped over the line threatening and insulting the girl I love.”
At that point, Sean started beating him more rapidly, but he was getting worn out so the punches were less effective. No one was doing anything and as freaked out as I was over him saying he loved me, I couldn’t let this guy go to prison because he was defending my honor. I didn’t know what to do, so I let my instincts take over. Overcoming the fear that was quickly paralyzing me, I moved towards Sean, grabbing his arm as he drew back. “Sean, baby, stop,” I begged him. “He can’t hold anything over your head any more. But you have to stop. Please. Do it for me.” It took him a second to comprehend what I was saying, but he finally sat back on his knees, his knuckles were bloody and he was finished.
Sean looked horrified. He was shaking as he looked from his bloodied hands to my face. “I-I-I’m sorry,” he stuttered. I knew that he was in no condition to do much of anything, much less drive. I took his hand in mine, “its okay Sean. Let’s just get out of here.” I looked back at the stunned onlookers, “someone get him up and to a hospital,” I called back, not caring whether they listened or not.
I grabbed the keys out of Sean’s pocket. I wasn’t sure where to take him, but I knew I needed to help get him cleaned up and get to the bottom of his melt down. I wasn’t even worried about the whole love comment, though that would have to be addressed eventually.
“Sean, I’m going to go and get some stuff to clean your hands up and then we can go some place to talk.” Sean nodded in response. He hadn’t said anything since we left, but he quit shaking as bad and seemed to be coming to again. We stopped at a Rite-Mart and I got some peroxide and gauze pads. Then I took him to one of my favorite places to think. It was this park that to this day remains our place. By the time we got there, Sean was fully aware of what was going on and had come out of his state of shock. He kept apologizing to me for what Kevin said, and for what he had done. I swore to him it was okay, and that I even appreciated him standing up for me. I was just concerned with what he was going through. He had just beaten a team mate up and as far as I could make out, he had committed a crime at some point in time that not only never came out, but that by the sound of it, could have ruined his life.
After a few minutes of sitting in silence, Sean finally opened up. “So I guess I probably have some things to explain to you huh?” I looked at him for signs of stress or nervousness, but he seemed calm and collected. “I guess that is up to you. I’d like to hear whatever happened to you, but currently I think our status of dating friends would mean you don’t have to tell me anything.” Sean thought about that for a second. “Well, then that’s the first place we should start. It isn’t lost on me that you heard what I said about you. And I know that I had no right to say it. I mean, we haven’t even successfully completed a first date yet. However, I can’t exactly un-shoot that gun. I did say it, and I’m pretty sure I meant it, but I’m confused on that point. I’ve never felt like this about anyone before, and I don’t know what to make of it.” I started to talk when Sean grabbed my hand, “Please. Don’t say anything about that. Because I know that it’s way too soon. So I’d rather we just leave it alone. I really am sorry for saying it; it puts so much unnecessary pressure on you. And I didn’t mean for that to happen. I just sort of snapped and it kind of just came out. I do, however, want to do something about our status; if I don’t manage to scare you off first.” Unsure of what to say, I only managed to get out two small words, “fair enough.”
Sean took my silence as cue to go on with his explanation. “Um, yea, so about the other part,” he started. It was at this point that he started to shake slightly again and his breathing became slightly uneven. I didn’t want him to do anything he was uncomfortable doing so I told him he didn’t have to tell me. He sat and thought for a second and with a deep breath began.
“One day last year, I went over to one of the senior’s houses. The season had just ended; actually it was the night we lost in the second round of the playoffs. Anyway, as I told you before, I’m not a big drinker. Well at that time, I had never drunk at all. So the team is all together and some of the guys come in with car loads of alcohol. Any and every drink you could imagine was there. Well I was the lone freshman on the team, and I mean, I know I could have said no. But I wanted the team to accept me. So I started drinking. I don’t even remember what I had; I just know that I had a lot of it. I was so out of it.”
By that point, Sean was getting really upset. He was tearing up and shaking. I could tell that what he was about to say, the part of the story that turned the tides in Kevin’s favor was coming shortly. I moved closer to him and grabbed his hand. “You know Sean, it doesn’t matter to me what you did. I want to hear about it, but no matter what, I know that you aren’t really that person. You won’t scare me off.”
Sean collected himself once more and continued. “Like I said, I was completely out of it. To this day I’ve never been so drunk in my life. And I’m not going to lie; I have not one qualm with drinking now. I don’t do it often, mostly because of that night, but I’ve had more than my fair share on a couple occasions, but nothing compares to that night. It was like something happened to me and I wasn’t me anymore. So I’m drinking right. And these girls show up. You know the girl, she still goes to our school, and she showed up one day last year with a black eye and no logical explanation about how it got there. Yea, well, that’s because Kevin shut her up. The real reason was because of me. I don’t know how it happened, but words were exchanged between me and her and one of the guys. I guess I lost control and hit her. I don’t know why, no one has ever filled in that part of the story. I tried apologizing to her but she wanted nothing to do with it, not that I blame her. I’m such a horrible person, a horrible man for it. And the thing is; I only know I did it because people told me. To this day I still don’t know what happened or why I did it, and to this day she and I haven’t been within 100 feet of each other. So that’s the story. After it happened, she went to the police. And that’s when Kevin stepped up and took the blame. He said she was drunk and didn’t know what she was talking about, and that he needed to do the responsible thing. He was close to the cop that arrested him and his dad was golf buddies with the judge. He told the judge that it was an accident and that he just got carried away when he saw her cheating on him. Apparently ‘everyone had a go with her’, that’s what he told the judge. That’s what I heard anyway. So, he saved me from jail and losing literally everything. And we all know that, that’s why I’m the one that always takes the fall for him now. I couldn’t avoid it. I owed him everything. Football is my life. I wouldn’t be able to live without it.”
I didn’t know what to make of the story. Not because I was frightened by what he had done, but because it made no sense to me, none at all. I did know one thing though, this guy, this amazing guy with so much talent, so much respect for girls and everything was a total mess because he just beat up the guy who kept him out of jail…for me. And the story of how the girl was hit didn’t add up. I had been that drunk too, but I never lost so much control that I didn’t remember something that big. It was in that moment that I realized that no matter what happened to Sean, I would be there for him. I wasn’t ready to admit that I loved him, but I knew that I didn’t want to lose out on a chance with one of the best guys I had ever met.
Our first date was a total disaster. It couldn’t have gone worse had we planned it to. But somehow with as bad as it was, it was one of the most critical points in our relationship. We stayed there for a while that night. We talked about what would likely happen to him once break was over. And we discussed our status. By the time I got home that night, and checked my many websites, I was the girlfriend of the most popular guy in school. Literally everyone had heard about how Sean pounded Kevin. And everyone loved him for it. Kevin’s reputation had not been that of the all-American boy. He was well known for being a drunk, a player and temperamental. Not to mention, people loved Sean anyway and no one understood why he let Kevin walk all over him. People were skeptical about why he would pick me, but for the time being, he was too big to question his choices.
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